I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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