well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
