Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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