I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
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My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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