We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
