my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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