She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
