Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize