Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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