You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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