I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
