He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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