you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
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