I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
