I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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