So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
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like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
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So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen