the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet