i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
