I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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