K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.