sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
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Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders