Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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