Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
