I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
