I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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