Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
