..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
