he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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