I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Randomize
