She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
