She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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