this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
