Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.