now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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