Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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