She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i believe in u and ur pee
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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