doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
