I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm bleeding and have questions
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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