I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
