i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
she looked like the before picture.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
