i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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