Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
