you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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