So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
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I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
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I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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