you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
