butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I checked into jail on foursquare
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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