Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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