Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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