Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
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Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
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Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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