As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
