Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
