4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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