The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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