at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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