Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
