Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
