the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
