So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
