I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
