We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
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dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
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Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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