Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I will be naked everywhere
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I need to sanitize my soul.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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