We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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