if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
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