Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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