I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize