he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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