i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
