just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
